fear, or, life is funny

isn't it funny how sometimes you don't realize how normal you are until you connect with other people?
so today's post subject is fear. reading Kim's posting, i'm struck by how normal my artistic fears have been, and how others obviously go through the same things that i do. it's easy to get caught up in your own crap and forget that others might feel the same way you do. it's a good thing to remember that.

so, some of my past (and present) fears...

• death...haven't we all had these thoughts? i try to remind myself that no matter how much i worry over dying (and horrible ways to die), i won't be able to do anything about it when "my time comes." therefore, resistance is futile.
• not being good enough...i struggle with this all the time. self-doubt is a horrible creature. i think this is just one of those things that you have to muddle through until you find something to lift your spirits again. if anyone has any good suggestions as to they get through these thoughts, please share them with me! i have said that my worst critic is me. i'm harder on myself than anyone else can ever be.
• where will i be in X years? where am i going? how am i going to get there? who knows...it's good to have an overall plan or hopes, but you can't concentrate on only the future...you must live in the present.
• what if someone doesn't like me? well, then (as i used to say when i was little): poop on them! you'll always find critics, but you'll also always find people who love what you are/do. you've got to take the good with the bad. hopefully, the good will be more than the bad in life. i constantly struggle with worrying about what others think of me. wish i could wish that away...
• artistic fears...how can i really make this idea happen? what if i mess up--how will i fix the (thought-to-be-impending) mistake? will a potential recipient/purchaser like this? will it sell? does the item have a purpose? does it need a purpose? am i capable of making the kind of work that i really want to? am i good enough at X?

Today's photo assignment was black & white...

photo recipe/info:

photo of yellow (partially dying) roses on my dining room table. sunlight coming in through the window (splotches on the wall). taken with my little Nikon point & shoot.

PS b/w adjustment layer added to photo. played with the levels of the different colors so the gray shades would be lighter and more balanced.

bkgnd layer duplicated, masking layer added to top layer, took out all of bkgnd just leaving flowers and vase.

added a gausian blur to the bkgnd layer.

top layer: masked out some edges of the flowers, leaves, and parts of the vase to blend with background and give it a blurred, dreamy look.

added a texture (my texture #7 -- see my flickr to download it), added b/w layer, then combined those two layer and changed to soft light, reduced opacity & fill to about 60%.  added a layer mask to the texture layer and masked off some of the roses and parts of the background that were too bold.

added the quote from The Quote Garden. font: Socially Awkward.